hitz.me
The Onion's Finest News Report image

The Onion's Finest News Report

Band / artist:
The Onion
Release date:
27.02.2025
Plays count:
0

Album tracks

List

1

Onion Finest News Reporting, Volume 1: Introduction
Onion Finest News Reporting, Volume 1: Introduction
The Onion

2

A Massive Oil Spill Results in Improved Wildlife Viscosity
A Massive Oil Spill Results in Improved Wildlife Viscosity
The Onion

3

A Cop Kills His Own Partner and Vows to Track Himself Down
A Cop Kills His Own Partner and Vows to Track Himself Down
The Onion

4

NASA Is Baffled by the Failure of Its Straw Shuttle
NASA Is Baffled by the Failure of Its Straw Shuttle
The Onion

5

Clinton Has Been Seduced by a Suave International Diamond Thief
Clinton Has Been Seduced by a Suave International Diamond Thief
The Onion

6

An Area Bassist Is Felated
An Area Bassist Is Felated
The Onion

7

High Court Bans Same-Sex Friendships
High Court Bans Same-Sex Friendships
The Onion

8

The Amish Give Up
The Amish Give Up
The Onion

9

A Giant Six-Year Old Devastates an Area Ant Community
A Giant Six-Year Old Devastates an Area Ant Community
The Onion

10

I Believe the Robots Are Our Future
I Believe the Robots Are Our Future
The Onion

11

A Family of Four Has Been Rescued From a Burning House by a Homosexual
A Family of Four Has Been Rescued From a Burning House by a Homosexual
The Onion

12

Desperate Vegetarians Declare Cows Plants
Desperate Vegetarians Declare Cows Plants
The Onion

13

The Whale Market Is Targeted With New Plankton-Flavored Peanut Butter
The Whale Market Is Targeted With New Plankton-Flavored Peanut Butter
The Onion

14

Chrisopher Reeve Is Placed Atop the Washington Monument
Chrisopher Reeve Is Placed Atop the Washington Monument
The Onion

15

Civil War Enthusiasts Burn Atlanta to the Ground
Civil War Enthusiasts Burn Atlanta to the Ground
The Onion

16

Jesus Christ Has Hired an Associate Christ
Jesus Christ Has Hired an Associate Christ
The Onion

17

A Bluesman Claims Yemen Done Him Wrong
A Bluesman Claims Yemen Done Him Wrong
The Onion

18

Taco Bell Launches the New Morning-After Burrito
Taco Bell Launches the New Morning-After Burrito
The Onion

19

A Zookeeper Is Savagely Raped by a Grizzly Bear
A Zookeeper Is Savagely Raped by a Grizzly Bear
The Onion

20

The Jews Have Been Ordered Back to Egypt for Pyramid Duty
The Jews Have Been Ordered Back to Egypt for Pyramid Duty
The Onion

21

Clinton Deploys Vowels to Bosnia
Clinton Deploys Vowels to Bosnia
The Onion

22

Those Motherfucking Robins Are on Thin Ice With Me
Those Motherfucking Robins Are on Thin Ice With Me
The Onion

23

Nine People Are Drawn and Quartered at an Out-Of-Hand Rennaissance Fair
Nine People Are Drawn and Quartered at an Out-Of-Hand Rennaissance Fair
The Onion

24

Neighbors Remember a Serial Killer as a Serial Killer
Neighbors Remember a Serial Killer as a Serial Killer
The Onion

25

Chrysler Discontinues Neck Belts
Chrysler Discontinues Neck Belts
The Onion

26

Teachers Are Apalled by Poorly Written Teen Suicide Notes
Teachers Are Apalled by Poorly Written Teen Suicide Notes
The Onion

27

Mother Theresa Has Been Sent to Hell in a Wacky Afterlife Mix-Up
Mother Theresa Has Been Sent to Hell in a Wacky Afterlife Mix-Up
The Onion

28

A Buck-Naked Man Stresses the Importance of Proper Schooling
A Buck-Naked Man Stresses the Importance of Proper Schooling
The Onion

29

Ants Demand a 23.9 Hour Work Day
Ants Demand a 23.9 Hour Work Day
The Onion

30

President Clinton Is Written Up by His "Total Bitch" Supervisor
President Clinton Is Written Up by His "Total Bitch" Supervisor
The Onion

31

Congress Has Approved the Americans With No Abilities Act
Congress Has Approved the Americans With No Abilities Act
The Onion

32

A New High-Viscosity Mayonnaise Will Help Americans Swallow
A New High-Viscosity Mayonnaise Will Help Americans Swallow
The Onion

33

The Collectable Plate Industry Has Called for the Tragic Death of Barbara Striesand
The Collectable Plate Industry Has Called for the Tragic Death of Barbara Striesand
The Onion

34

Hitler Was Wrong!
Hitler Was Wrong!
The Onion

35

McDonald's Unveils a New All-Beef Bun
McDonald's Unveils a New All-Beef Bun
The Onion

36

The President's Head Has Been Sawed Off
The President's Head Has Been Sawed Off
The Onion

37

Philip Morris Lawyers Deny Cigarettes Are Cylindrical
Philip Morris Lawyers Deny Cigarettes Are Cylindrical
The Onion

38

A New Cereal for the Poor Stays Crunchy in Water
A New Cereal for the Poor Stays Crunchy in Water
The Onion

39

A Revolutionary New Asper-Shirt Relieves Torso Pain
A Revolutionary New Asper-Shirt Relieves Torso Pain
The Onion

40

The Vatican Unveils Its New Pope Signal
The Vatican Unveils Its New Pope Signal
The Onion

41

Greenpeace Releases Dolphins Into the Forest
Greenpeace Releases Dolphins Into the Forest
The Onion

42

A Local Wal-Mart Greeter Is at Death's Door
A Local Wal-Mart Greeter Is at Death's Door
The Onion

43

Richard Simmons Is Fighting for His Life in an Estrogen Tent
Richard Simmons Is Fighting for His Life in an Estrogen Tent
The Onion

44

A Lucky Dead Student Gets His Own Page in the High School Yearbook
A Lucky Dead Student Gets His Own Page in the High School Yearbook
The Onion

45

The NRA Changes Its Focus From Guns to Penmanship
The NRA Changes Its Focus From Guns to Penmanship
The Onion

46

I Am a Bad Ass
I Am a Bad Ass
The Onion

47

Quincy Suspects Murder
Quincy Suspects Murder
The Onion

48

Jews Are Celebrating Rosh Hashasha, or Something
Jews Are Celebrating Rosh Hashasha, or Something
The Onion

49

Bourbon Helps an Area Carpet Salesman Forget About Carpeting for a While
Bourbon Helps an Area Carpet Salesman Forget About Carpeting for a While
The Onion

50

White Castle Plundered by Turks
White Castle Plundered by Turks
The Onion

51

Rocker Ted Nugent's New Cologne Has Been Tested on Every Known Animal
Rocker Ted Nugent's New Cologne Has Been Tested on Every Known Animal
The Onion

52

Don King Enjoys a Grandilomentitudinous Sandwich
Don King Enjoys a Grandilomentitudinous Sandwich
The Onion

53

A Family Dog Is Suspected in a Miniature Chuck Wagon Disaster
A Family Dog Is Suspected in a Miniature Chuck Wagon Disaster
The Onion

54

An Utter Failure Plans to Spend the Rest of the Day in Bed
An Utter Failure Plans to Spend the Rest of the Day in Bed
The Onion

55

Congress Has Lowered the Killing Age to Nineteen
Congress Has Lowered the Killing Age to Nineteen
The Onion

56

Scandal in the Special Olympics
Scandal in the Special Olympics
The Onion

57

It's Not a Crack House, It's a Crack Home
It's Not a Crack House, It's a Crack Home
The Onion

58

An Area Man Busts His Ass All Day, and for What?
An Area Man Busts His Ass All Day, and for What?
The Onion

59

Mongol Warriors Have Sacked and Pillaged the U.S.
Mongol Warriors Have Sacked and Pillaged the U.S.
The Onion

60

A Hate Crime Bill Is Stalled by the Pro-Hate Lobby
A Hate Crime Bill Is Stalled by the Pro-Hate Lobby
The Onion

61

80% of Americans Are in Favor of Storming the Castle and Destroying the Inhuman Monster
80% of Americans Are in Favor of Storming the Castle and Destroying the Inhuman Monster
The Onion

62

A Man With Heart Disease Eagerly Awaits the Death of a Young Boy
A Man With Heart Disease Eagerly Awaits the Death of a Young Boy
The Onion

63

The Face of Jesus Is Seen on a Miracle Hippie
The Face of Jesus Is Seen on a Miracle Hippie
The Onion

64

An Ant Is Born
An Ant Is Born
The Onion

65

Babies Are Stupid
Babies Are Stupid
The Onion

66

NRA President Charlton Heston - A Hebrew?
NRA President Charlton Heston - A Hebrew?
The Onion

67

A Coffeehouse Encounter Results in Conversation and Cunnilingus
A Coffeehouse Encounter Results in Conversation and Cunnilingus
The Onion

68

A Drunken Man Makes an Interesting Point About Society
A Drunken Man Makes an Interesting Point About Society
The Onion

69

A Local Masturbator Gets All the Latest Swimwear News on E!
A Local Masturbator Gets All the Latest Swimwear News on E!
The Onion

70

Onion Finest News Reporting, Volume 1: Conclusion
Onion Finest News Reporting, Volume 1: Conclusion
The Onion